Donovan is the type of guy who does not show much emotion. He will not tell you if he is bothered or worried and he most definitely will not tell you if he's scared. The night before he had to turn himself in we went out to eat (at the first place we had our first date). He was deathly silent and reserved. I could see his eyes in deep thought focusing on every thing that we passed. Soaking it all in, his reality in just a few hours would be cell block walls and barbwire fences.
There was not much I could say to him. What do you say to a man who is about to spend years of his life behind bars? All the kisses and "I love you's" could not take away his fear and my words just seem to not matter to him.
His time upstate, was some of the most lonely times of my life. To top it off I moved out of my parents place into my own apartment. The quietness of my place scared the hell out of me, I didn't sleep regularly for weeks.
Visiting him sucked even more. Prisons have a strict dress code that I wasn't aware of until I drove up 6 hours by myself. The level of ghettoness from all races while waiting to go through a million security points had me questioning if I should turn around. And the couple who was caught right next to us passing drugs through excessive amounts of kissing made me too nervous to kiss him when our visit was over.
There were women who were there regularly you could tell how they spoke to each other and how they all knew the Correctional Officer's (CO) names. One even brought a CO pastries from his favorite deli in Brooklyn. What the hell was I really getting myself into and the hell was that all about?
Surprisingly Donovan was adjusting well to prison. He stayed out of trouble, was able to get several jobs and training certificates and he even turned his life over to Christ. Part of me felt like this was a blessing in disguise. Don't get me wrong he was not a bad person before going in, he just had different demeanor.
The longer I waited for him the lonelier I became. One night after a bottle of wine my lonely night turned into something more physical with someone else, my guilt took over me immediately and when he called the next day I broke down and cried out the truth. Just like emotionless Donovan he did not yell in fact he was very calm about it. A week later I got a 4 page letter explaining to me that it was over. Three months later Donovan came home early after a successful appeal.
This part hurts. We are no longer friends but I'm sure his time spent will be his last behind bars. I do know that he's doing extremely well and I pray many blessings over his life. As for me that was an experience that I will live to tell others.